Then I've thought about sharing thoughts I've had from a number of books I've read. Like I just read The Stranger by Albert Camus. It is a very interesting book. I don't really know if I like it, but it definitely is a book you have to think about. Asses what you think about trials of law, death penalty, how you view yourself, if we have to wait until we are near to death to regain the passion that we may have lost while we were becoming adult and really live again, etc. I am actually going to have a little chat with my friend who loves this book, so I may add a post about this later... maybe.
But what really was my motivation for writing the post today was actually just to repost a blog I had written on myspace a couple years ago. I went on a date tonight and I actually had an experience that affirmed the long held belief that on a first date you shouldn't interrogate your date to know if they have long term compatibility. I think that first dates should pretty much be there to see if you really are attracted to the other person... once you start asking what your date's ideal significant other and commenting on how you fit or don't fit that... it is kinda turning into a bad date. Anyways, when I was put on the spot to explain what I wanted in a partner and which ones I would and wouldn't compromise on, I remembered this post. I unfortunately couldn't remember all the bullets explicitly, cuz I wasn't planning on being tested on my first date. I thought that if I enjoyed this person's company that each would present themselves in a natural progression.. But I went back to look at this post, and, damn, I really do want an amazing guy! Too bad I haven't met him yet. Anyways, I am going to repost it here, cuz I don't go to myspace very often, and really, even though I intrinsically know what I want, it is nice to read it so explicitly every once and awhile. Also if you know of someone... let me know ;)
- Intellectually stimulating. This means they are smart, can challenge me, think of new conversations to talk about, trust me enough to talk about anything with me, are open to philosophical discussions, political ideas, books that we read alone and together, like to learn, like to teach me what they learn, etc. Also what can help here is that they have at least a bachelor's degree in something. It shows that they value education and work towards a goal and even though I know it isn't a foolproof way to show that someone is smart and I know people who are smart who don't have a BS or BA but it's a good, easy way to sift through the people. But the first part is more important than the second part of this bullet.
- Same values and standards as me. This pulls in views towards the church. Lots of my values and standards stem from my association with the church, however, they aren't based solely on the church. However, I think there is a higher probability of overlap and likelihood of less contention (in our own lives and when raising children) if they are of the same religious persuasion and they place value on similar weights to the aspects that the church teaches and want the same standards in our lives. Also they need to have high standards in terms of self improvement, how we can help the environment around us, etc, and how we can always work harder to improve those aspects to a higher standard.
- Active. I love playing. Playing sports, working out, adventuring, traveling, etc. I don't think I would be happy with someone who doesn't also want to have adventures, play sports, go snowboarding, and up for learning more new active things. Plus it will help us both be healthy. Being healthy is a good bullet, but I'll add it here. He has to like to try new foods, like flavor in his foods, be ok with not always eating meat, realize that good healthy food is tasty too - and def doesnt have to taste like a cardboard box. It can be really tasty, esp if you put any sort of effort in preparation. Which would be fun if they are also into cooking food. I would love to share cooking and having good food with them - trying out new restaurants, trying new food, looking for recipes, and eating healthily with my future ideal man.
- Wants to be with me. And he makes me feel like he wants to be with me. He makes me feel that I'm special and that he thinks that his life has improved since he met me. Also, what goes along with being my equal, is that there will be times that I need support and he needs support, and he needs to want to be with me when I'm having a hard time, and not get so frustrated with me that he just leaves when I need him most.
- Thinks that I am an equal. That he thinks I'm an equal intellectually, logically, strength (maybe not actual physical strength, but that I can hold my own, - even physically, and that I'm a strong individual in general), etc. And that he is ok that I will be better than him in some things, just like I will try and be ok that he is better than me in some things.
- Will be a good father. He has to love kids. He has to be good with my nieces and nephews, for example. He has to know how much I love kids and want to be an integral part of our children's lives. Playing with them, encouraging them, will teach them to be good members of society, etc. Needs to know that family is important, and that our future family will probably be the most important thing in my life, and I'd expect him to share that opinion.
- Will judge people on the individual traits instead of their group stereotypes. Basically this is my 'he can't be homophobic, racist, sexist, etc' and if he does have some prejudices concerning these groups, that he is at least as good of a person to take each individual he meets and lets them supersede the stereotypes. And I think that living your life based on your prejudices (which we all have) and not letting individuals speak for themselves, is a very bad way to live your life, and not something I ever want to teach my kids. You should love the person for who they are, and not treat them differently when you find something out about them that you may not like.
- I am physically attracted to him. I mean most people can be 'growers', you know the type that you might not find drop dead gorgeous, but as you get to know them, and they are the person you want to be with, their looks grow on you and you think they are so sexy! But I have to be physically attracted to him, and him to me. And they have to be up for sexual experimentation and sex games and sex books etc. Because I am all up for making it 'playing' instead of always just sex or whatever. And if they are sorta a sex prude, then I don't think I'd be happy with him long term.
- He has to like to laugh. He has to like funny movies, he has to like to be silly, he has to like my lame-o jokes, he has to just be a cheery person and like to laugh, he can't be serious all the time.
